the last six months

So, in case you haven’t noticed, I haven’t been around for a while… if you know us, you know that we have been pretty busy and life has been full of many exciting things. Many new things. To recap: we found out we were expecting a baby in January, didn’t tell anyone till February/March; my brother left for Korea in January; we decided not to renew our lease since we were expecting and wanted more than a one bedroom to share with the baby; my dad retired (Congrats Dad!) and my parents took off for Texas; and we started looking for a house. This was all before March.

We found that buying a house in this city was far more difficult than hgtv makes it seem, offer dates make buying a house more like a blind auction and since we had decided on how much we were going to spend, we lost a few houses. This was getting pretty stressful, especially since our lease was up at the end of April and we had to move out! We had no idea where we would go if a house didn’t pan out. Thankfully we had friends who had bought a house a few years ago and they offered a room in their basement to us while we kept looking. I figure this is what church looks like, what Acts talks about, everyone had enough and took care of each other.

We were hoping to live in the basement for only a few weeks but weeks turned into two months. During this time B was working crazy shifts, three rotations in three weeks, with only days between, not enough to recover, so he was exhausted. I was pregnant, so I was exhausted. And we were looking hard for a house when we could. We bid on a few more, didn’t get them. I cried a lot, by the end I just wanted a place so I could know where we were going. The baby was growing and I wanted a place to put it, I wanted to settle in before this new change threw everything back into chaos.

We prayed like crazy. And I mean like crazy. And we held on. I knew God knew what was best for us and what we needed and I knew he would do something when it was time. In my experience with trusting God for things he is always on time, but never early. And so we waited. And I cried a lot, pregnancy hormones and living in someone else’s house while dealing with the stress of trying to find a home are not a great combination if one wants to be composed, add to that B’s very busy and spastic work schedule and it was quite a crazy few months. But finally we found something.

It wasn’t perfect but we figured with a few changes we could make it great. We put in our offer, we were getting tired of the whole process, and waited. Wednesday night, the answer: Nope, this isn’t the one either. Almost pushed me over the edge. And B was working the night shift so I couldn’t even really talk to him. But there was this other house, with no offer date, we decided to look at it the next day when it went on the market.

We looked. We bid. We won! We finally had our house. And, it worked out that we could get possession almost right away, which was different from many of the other houses we had looked at. So here we are now, expecting a baby in October, living in our new home, which is far more than we expected or imagined. It has been worth the wait, this place is better than anything we had previously bid on and pretty much exactly what we were looking for. My parents came by a lot and helped out, this dad being retired thing was a great help, especially because my dad is so handy and willing to try anything once. The house needed a lot of work, and there’s still tonnes to do but we’re getting settled in and soon it will be time to get the baby room ready.

We have great neighbours who are also in a similar spot, one couple has a baby, the other is expecting any day now, so we have really enjoyed the chance to chat over the fence and share stories, we have felt very welcomed by them. We live near a river valley so there are lots of birds and bunnies running around and the occasional deer wandering along the sidewalk. At the same time we’re in the middle of the city, only a few minutes from anything, including B’s office and the hospital.

So that’s where we’re at. Lots has changed. And lots will be changing in the near future. But we have been blessed and loved in all of this. Blessed in the gift of this house. Blessed by friends who let us invade their space for a while. Blessed by parents who have helped us work on making this house a home and who have helped us celebrate the upcoming baby in between coats of paint. Blessed that the baby seems to be doing well. Blessed by friends who have cried with us, prayed for us, helped us and cared for us. And all I can say is thank you, and you’re welcome to come by anytime (just make sure B isn’t sleeping).

Sabbath

As a church we have struggled with a proper definition of Sabbath for ages and often churches have gravitated to one extreme or another, some have regulated everything that can or cannot be done when celebrating Sabbath while others, in violent reaction to these rules, have deemed the Sabbath as just another day, business as usual. In Dan Allender’s book, Sabbath (part of the Ancient Practice Series), he seeks to explore the concept of the Sabbath with new eyes. Circumventing the debate that seeks to regulate the Sabbath Allender shares his experience and study based on God’s Sabbath commandment to his people Israel in Exodus.

Breaking it into three parts, Allender focuses on the basis of Sabbath, the purpose of Sabbath and how life will be formed when understanding these foundational concepts. Removing the stiffness of regulations, Allender introduces his reader to a God who calls us to live in the present but take time to rejoice in the future he promises, even in the face of brokenness. In this book he shares how Sabbath calls us to live, one day a week, in peace and wholeness in the face of division, in abundance even in the face of destitution and in joy despite the surrounding despair. He presents Sabbath as a day to look to God’s redemption of his people, calling us to rest in his presence and live lives pursuing justice and relational healing on the six days surrounding Sabbath.

Though I have a hard time articulating the whole of this book in only a few sentences, I really enjoyed Allender’s perspective and the freedom that can come with this understanding of Sabbath. His encouragement to take times of delight when no work needs to be done and one can experience relationships and joy in the midst of weeks that are often filled with hurt and sorrow was something that I feel many people need to hear. Growing up in a family where Sundays were days to not work gave me a glimpse of the freedom that can come with having a day for relationships, free of homework, at the same time I feel this book has invited me to even more, to a deeper relationship with God and with those around me. Though he challenges his readers to do the hard internal and external work that allows for freedom, justice and healthy relationships, he presents this concept of Sabbath both as a respite from this work and as a labour that brings, in one more way, the kingdom of God to earth.

I highly recommend that this book be placed on your reading list, whether you’re staunchly committed to a specific understanding of the Sabbath or are exploring the idea to find out what it looks like in your own life. This book is a great resource that will give much food for thought.

*Note: This book was provided free of charge from Thomas Nelson Publishers as part of their BookSneeze book review bloggers program.

time

It is a curious thing, the ways of time. One moment time is moving at a comfortable pace; you’re comfortable in your skin and in your schedule and life is in balance, the next second time has escaped stealing any peace that it had previously promised leaving us confused and stressed, wondering where it went. On and on this cycle continues, from Monday to Sunday, from weekend to weekend, just like clockwork. This is real life in an age governed by time. This is what my life used to look like, somewhat stressful but comfortably predictable all the same. Now this has changed.

Where time used to be easily sectioned off into days and weeks, months and years, holidays, work days and weekends, I am now living in a timeless land. I live in a family with a rhythm of day shifts and night shifts, days off and 9-5s. Growing up I lived in a family with a life rhythm built around the days of the week. Of course we had school Monday to Friday but in addition to that, Mondays was laundry day, Saturdays was cleaning day, and Sunday was a day set apart from the mundane for visiting and playing, we mowed the lawn in summer and shovelled snow in winter. It was regular, it was comforting.

Needless to say, when I married B, I had no idea how shift work changed one’s perception of time and messed with those daily and weekly life rhythms, and even how it impacted one’s perception of holidays and weekends. From the first weekend I spent alone while B was at work till now we have been on a steep learning curve, trying to find ways of instituting some sort of regularity in the face of an excessively irregular schedule.

For the first eight months of our married life I was a part-time student, finishing off my MA, and worked part time, this meant I was gone three days a week. This meant that if B was working the weekend I would hardly see him at all and if he was working a rotation during the week I would see him even less, about five hours in five days. Add to that the fact that we were newlyweds and there was a lot of stress coming from working and my last semester of school, this was very difficult.

When I completed my degree and finished my work contract we decided that I would take the summer off to recuperate and focus on finding more effective ways of dealing with shift work. We also wanted to focus on building relationships with some of the great people we had been getting to know. When working the type of shift work that B works it is impossible for him to be involved in weekly activities that grow relationships through regular contact, and, since neither of us grew up in this city, we only had a few people we knew well enough to be comfortable letting them see the unpredictability of shift work.

And that is what it often feels like it is, unpredictable. With me at home it has allowed us to reach out more and be more involved in what is going on around us, and even to spend more time on our own relationship since I can get all the chores and food stuff done while B is at work so we have more time when he has a few days off, but at the same time it has removed any sense of regularity.

I have been reading a book about Sabbath (stay tuned for a review of it) and it has reminded me of how much I miss the rhythm that was established when I was growing up, when we took Sunday off. It makes me miss it and wonder how we can incorporate this idea into a schedule where B is working 13 hours many Sundays. So this is our new challenge: we have found ways of coping with the shift work so it doesn’t tire B out for days, now I want to work towards finding a way of instating a rhythm in our home, a rhythm that can be soothing, at the same time I want a rhythm that can be flexible so that when B has Monday to Friday off we are free to travel and explore and Sabbath on those days as well.

let’s try again

Christmas has come and gone and I am back. Much has happened since I last wrote and there is lots to share. Back in November B had almost six weeks of work without night shifts. It was, in one sense, lovely but in another quite difficult. Since I finished school and work B and I have been working extra hard and finding how we can cope with the long hours and night shifts that are part of his job. It has been a tough road but for now we have found a rhythm that works for both of us and allows him space to recoup after working a bazillion hours in a few days.

So we were just on the cusp of finding a solution for the unending exhaustion that B seemed to experience after his normal rotation (two 13 hr. day shifts followed by two 13 hr. night shifts), we had tried a few things that seemed to be working, when we moved into November, a blessed reprieve from night shifts but this launched us into adjustments in the opposite direction. It was lovely to have him home for dinner and for us to be able to spend time with friends in the evenings, but it was tough to find spaces for the time that we needed alone and together.

Come December we jumped back on the night shift merry-go-round and tried to find our groove again. Needless to say that caused quite a lot of re-adjustment again. Add to that an art show that I was privileged to help organize, an early Christmas visit from B’s parents, a new and delightful hobby, and other Christmas themed things and you have your answer as to why I have been silent over the past few months.

But life has been good, so many lovely visits with family and friends and the promise of another year full of adventures.

B and I were not sure how we would handle the long winter months since the past few winters have been very difficult for both of us in part because of the unbearable cold that can be part of Manitoba winters. This year we received a special gift that is making winter much more enjoyable. First, the weather has taken quite a while to get very cold so winter does not yet feel as long as in past years.

We also have a plant that’s just about to bloom. In the fall we cleaned up our balcony garden and put the pots away till next year but we took in two dead plants because there was some lovely ground cover still alive in the pots. A while after we brought them inside we noticed that there were shoots coming up from the lily bulb that we thought was dead for the year. Over time it has grown tall and produced buds that look like they are ready to bloom any time. It has been such a joy to watch life grow in the midst of winter.

How have you been adjusting to the new year? Has there been anything that has brought you hope this winter?

The Nativity Collection by Robert J. Morgan

I know it is a little early to be thinking of Christmas, at least that is what I would tell you if you mentioned it, but when The Nativity Collection arrived in the mail it reminded me of fond Christmas memories from years past. Some of the most delightful memories that I can recall revolve around stories. For our family Christmas was a time of telling and retelling stories that warmed the heart and reminded each of us the true meaning of Christmas.

The Nativity Collection by Robert J. Morgan is a lovely hardcover book that holds within its pages six original stories of Christmas, centred around the Nativity. Though diverse, each story takes the reader on a journey that brings new perspective to the characters and meaning of Christmas. Morgan, a Nashville pastor, has been collecting these tales over the years, writing and sharing with his church a new story each holiday season.

It was the tradition of story that drew me to this book initially, the desire to have my own books of Christmas tales to read to those in our home at Christmas. Though there were two or three stories that I felt we a little weak or would not be appropriate for all ages, I did enjoy my read through this book.

While the seemingly stock photos that have been placed as illustrations for each story are often delightful, at times they seem quite disconnected to the story they are depicting and don’t seem to carry the theme presented by the cover. Though it was a light read, which is sometimes nice during the busy holiday rush, most of the stories it contains are lovely but not memorable. All in all, it would be a great book to have in a collection of Christmas stories but not one that should be chosen if you are hoping to read these stories to young children, though it could make a lovely hostess gift, just remove the dust jacket first as it doesn’t fit properly.

*Note: This book was provided free of charge from Thomas Nelson Publishers as part of their BookSneeze book review bloggers program.

Shift work

It has been just over a year since B headed back to work for that first rotation after our wedding and honeymoon. Consequently, it has also been a year since I became intimately aware of the impact this shift work can have on those around the shift worker, even if they are not the one working through the night. The issues that come when learning how to live together were amplified by the fact that B’s non-static shift schedule left little space for any type of routine to anchor us in normalcy.

B started his life as a shift worker a year and a half before we got married and was still trying to figure out how to minimize the impact of his irregular 24 hour schedule when I entered the picture. Though he had been working the same non-static shift schedule the whole time we dated it was still a big adjustment for us when we began to live together. Previously, he would disappear when he was working a rotation (a combination of two 13 hour days followed by two 13 hour night shifts) and then I would get to see him during his days off (usually 3-6 days). But now, as a married couple, I was there when he came home and missing him when he was a work for the night.

Though I had some experience with shift work, my father worked regular shifts for a few years when I was younger and I worked a summer or two of shift work, I still had no concept of how much I would be impacted by the schedule that B worked. This has been, by far, the big “issue” in our marriage as we learn how to interact with and care for each other in the life we have. Both of us have had to work very hard to learn the delicate dance of marriage within this context.

Since shift work is a part of the profession that B has chosen and loves we are learning how to live with it without letting it control our lives and dictate everything. Right now I have a huge wall calendar on our wall marked up with his schedule so that we can see when he works at a glance, see our schedule for August and September on the right. We have also worked out a routine for when he finishes night shifts so that he can recover more quickly and minimize the exhaustion that can come not getting enough sleep. In this way we are seeking to slowly build routine into our irregular schedule.

I never realized what a gift a regular schedule can be and how much comfort can be found in the simple routine act of having weekends off. Now as I learn to live within this new schedule I am learning how to find constants and create routine in what can sometimes be chaos. Do you have a regular schedule or do you work or live within an alternate schedule? How do you craft your life around your work or relationship?

adventure… is out there

This past weekend has been filled with friends and fun adventures. The one that stands out the most was an evening we planned to go out for dessert with friends. We met at our place and had decided to try a little pub on a nearby corner since I had heard good things about their food. We were hoping for a particular dessert which we had heard they carried from another friend so we were quite surprised when the waitress didn’t mention cheesecake in her list of desserts for the evening. We were surprised and a little confused as to what to do next. She gave us a moment and, as we deliberated, we decided to make a break for it. Silly, I’m sure, but as we walked/ran out of that restaurant there was a delicious giddiness that overtook me. The joy that comes from sharing adventures with good friends. It’s a feeling that I believe happens often as a child but as one grows up we seem to forget about it and it lies dormant, buried under responsibilities and duty until, in a moment it is again in the air in all its anxious and excited glory.

It was just a small thing. We decided that the restaurant didn’t have what we wanted so we left to try somewhere else. But in that action we found ourselves back in the car giggling and high on adrenaline and excitement. In the same way I have been trying to live my whole life as an adventure. Sure, not all of it is as dramatic as talking to strangers or even running out of a restaurant (which is a big deal for me because I don’t want to hurt the waitress shrug) but there are so many bits of excitement and joy to be found. Whether that means making a new meal for my wonderful husband or chatting with agood friend. I am once again excited to learn from the people around me and look forward to growing from it.

This is something that I feel my brother and sister do well, especially my brother. He seems to find adventures under every rock and lives like there are new things to discover when things don’t go as planned. My brother is the guy that everyone wants to hang out with since they know that he will find something fun to do, even climbing grain elevators (which is probably illegal so I don’t recommend it). But when I have hung out with him I have had all sorts of good times and adventures I wouldn’t have had alone, including the rail bridge incident pictured to the right. This is partially due to his outlook of exploration but also due to the thought he puts into hanging out with people, planning ahead of time what would be fun to do with that particular person. And even though there are times I am a bit afraid for him I still admire his adventurous spirit and the care and thoughtfulness he puts into his time with people.

What are the ways that you find joy and excitement and adventure in your own life? Are there certain people that bring those experiences into your life?

the art of availability

It seems that there has been a lot happening in our lives over the past few weeks. In mid September my parents rented a cabin in the Manitoba Whiteshell Provincial Park and invited all of us to spend the weekend together. Everyone was available and we had a great weekend together, with a few adventures thrown in.   

We did a little hiking, some geocaching and B shaved on the dock while my sister jumped in the freezing cold lake to wash her hair. I even have a picture to prove it. All in all we were able to spend a lovely time exploring the area, canoeing across the lake and taking some time to enjoy a slower pace of life.

When we returned home I began to really think about where I am right now and what I am doing. I know that questioning one’s place in the world is something to be expected when transitioning and I sure have experienced transitions over the past year, including getting married (!!) and completing my Master of Counselling degree. All this has left me asking “where to now?”

I have spent a lot of time thinking about my place as well as what the future may hold for our family as well as for me personally. I have thought about this as I have spent time working to create a wonderful home for B and I have thought about this at times of loneliness and loss and I think I have finally come to an answer, for now.

I think that right now my job is to be available. Now I know that may seem strange or just plain lazy (just being at home and waiting to help?) but I really feel that right now it is important that I am present in the moment and available, not only for my husband and my family but also for whomever needs our help. I have found that in the face of the recent tragedy in our family I have been able to help out a bit making food and talking with people and generally just being there in the midst of it. The freedom that I have has enabled me to reach out to people in ways I couldn’t have if I were working too.

This idea only came to me the other day, as I was responding to an email from a friend, but I feel that in some ways it is my calling from God. I am to be here, living my life and enjoying it, cooking, baking, having fun, but with eyes open to the needs around me, ready and willing to lend a hand wherever needed. And in this way, though perhaps unconventional, I have a place in the world. I belong wherever I’m needed.

So if you’re around here and need a little help, you know who to call.

captive

Today I am captive to this:

It has been a long time since I have been this drawn to something besides the people around me but since I heard this song, this morning, it has filled my day. I can’t explain exactly why I’m drawn to it. Perhaps it is the simplicity, the way they layer instruments, the lyrics or something I can’t identify. All I know is I am drawn to it and it is nice to be pulled into something creative again.

This song has brought me a taste of past lives, times when I have poured myself into something, just to be there. It reminds me of how much I love music and has brought me back, even if for only a time, to my piano, recalling days when I would play for hours, as I have today. Time has melted as I have worked out this song, listening to it, figuring out the chords and notes played, writing down the lyrics, and transposing it all into a key that I can sing. It has been a lovely morning and, perhaps, this means music is coming back.

Maybe my music is coming back from wherever it went when it got buried under homework and reading, socializing and dating. Maybe it’s returning from wherever it went when it got lost in stress and housework, tears and summer road trips. It seems somewhat interesting that music would come back with winter and not with the intuitive new beginnings of spring but it seems that this is how it it is coming, as a gift, maybe it will keep me warm. Whatever it means, I am enjoying it a lot and looking forward to how it will grow again.

What is something that you have loved to do but haven’t been able to lately, perhaps because you don’t have time, because you have forgotten it or something like that?

Getting milk out of the fridge

If you’ve known me for any length of time, say and hour or more, you probably know that I have not lived in Canada my entire life. In fact, though I have lived most of my life till now in the same general area, I still feel that in some ways I spent a huge chunk of my life away from here and therefore I do not belong anywhere. I will probably explore this more in another blog but I wanted to bring this up because this experience has impacted me in an interesting way. Because of the moving I have had a hard time feeling completely at home, anywhere.

In the past many years I have been working through a lot of those feelings of loneliness and aimlessness, feeling like I don’t belong or more so, that people don’t think I belong or don’t want me around. Growing up I would dream of a place where I could be myself, where people besides my family would want me around and love me as I am. Perhaps this is something that doesn’t completely exist in our broken world, something that we will only truly experience in heaven, but I think we can get glimpses of it if we look around. And yesterday was one of those times, a peek in the door, if you will.

When I was growing up, once we moved to Canada, occasionally our family would take an afternoon to make donuts. Now for me this is normal but as I chat with people, and when my husband found out about this, most people, including him, are surprised and somewhat intrigued since they have never experienced it before. But for our family it would be a project we would do together, sort of. My mom would make the dough and get the donuts cut and onto pans. Then someone would fry them in hot oil in the garage to keep the smell out of the house, I used to do it but then my sister started taking over once I headed to college. While they would be preparing the donuts I would make a glaze so that as soon as they were fried they could be dunked in the sugary goo. Many donuts were eaten by whomever happened to be around, but they were also passed out to the neighbourhood. That was my dad’s job, mom would keep him running with full paper plates lined up to be brought around. It was always a good day when we made donuts.

When B heard about this he wanted to see it in action so last Christmas during a storm that snowed us in we made donuts. It was great. Everyone did their jobs and by the end of the day the whole neighbourhood was full of the sweet goodness of fresh donuts. Once he had seen it he asked if we could make donuts too. Eventually I got an extra electric frying pan from my mom and we decided that yesterday was going to be donut day. And what a day…

We started thinking of a few people who might like to come over, when Mom makes them there are tonnes to go around so we cut the recipe in half but wanted to make sure they got eaten fresh, since they’re the best right out of the oil and dunked in sugar glaze. B invited a coworker over, warning he he would have to help make the donuts. I invited a friend too, so I wouldn’t be outnumbered by guys. B had invited another friend too and so he came by with his wife after she was done work, and I had randomly texted a friend I knew would not turn down fresh donuts, he brought my cousin along too.

Needless to say it was a full house, well, apartment. But just that morning we had picked up a great find on Kijiji, four dining room chairs, and they were put to use right away. So our afternoon was spent with friends, eating donuts just out of the oil and chatting a lot and enjoying each other’s company. It was a motley crew, people from very different backgrounds, experiences, and at different places in their lives but it was wonderful.

I’m not sure how I can explain it any better but it really felt like home, like our home, like community and caring and fun. The donuts seemed to make everyone relaxed. I didn’t try to host, I just welcomed people in an gave them space to be themselves, and they let me be myself too. B made delicious Transcend coffee and people helped themselves. It was so neat to see everyone interacting and people getting milk out of the fridge for their coffee, comfortable, like they would if they were at home. Sounds cheesy, maybe, but it made me feel a bit more at home too.

So what makes you feel at home? If you were to pick one memory that epitomizes home to you what would that be, I would love to hear it.